Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I started these new organizational goals this year so that I may improve upon myself…The year is one quarter gone, and could it be that I am even MORE unorganized? If not, it certainly seems so, and not just at home but at work, where organization is not generally a problem!

It is all quite disheartening…Nonetheless, I am vowing and praying and working harder. I cannot let this conquer me. I have prayed that the Lord will show me how to overcome, and that He will help me to listen to His answer…As I work hard, of course.

Because I am the kind of person that is not mundane, I have always shied away from anything that is so. I don’t like eight-to-fives, wearing the same eye shadow for 20 years (I have a MOST organized friend who did just that), or eating pizza every Tuesday…It just isn’t me.

On the flip side, I fear that being this way, which is not in and of itself bad, also lends itself to being unorganized. I flit here there and everywhere delving into many projects and exciting things at a time…So much so that like the spokes of a wheel, my life is a circle of splinters going off in different directions, and I'm the crazy woman in the middle!

So…While I enjoy my none-mundane self, I detest the mess it keeps me in…Thus, the organizational goals and quest to meld the me that I like to be with the me that I want to be.

I KNOW I can do it! I just have to find the way!

Over time, I have searched for someone who has found the way…Or at least A way…Generally, these people are women who enjoy the luxury of staying home…Since I am not able to do that at this time, I needed someone who works a for-pay job and ALSO successfully keeps a home…Jitterbug over at Destination 1940 is just such a woman.

She has been having a time of it lately due to health issues and in this paragraph, shares a realization…

If there's anything good that's come out this, it's that I've realized how much my life before The Experiment resembled a sick person's. I had been physically healthy for years. My ulcerative colitis had been in remission for five years, yet I was still living the existence of somebody mired in illness. Buying supplies as they occurred to me. Eating catch as catch can. Opening my mail once a month or so. Clueless about how much money I had or where it was going. Moving in a fog from bed to work and back to bed again. I was forced to live like this for the past few weeks --- and it appalls me that I lost half a decade of my life to that lifestyle by choice. It was one thing during the years that I was actually dealing with illness and surgeries. Another thing entirely when the surgeries were over and my body was physically in good order. That's the toll that depression can take on somebody.

Thank you, Jitterbug; this really struck a chord with me…My life, while very healthy physically, has been lived as “somebody mired in illness”. I indeed feel as though I “[move] in a fog from bed to work and back to bed again”…And that is NOT okay!

So…Onward with determination I march…Not trudge…March!

One more note…Today, “Organized Tuesday”, as I somewhat sarcastically deem it, was one of the least organized days. Because of the aforementioned challenges and also my great yearning to become more self-sufficient (which sets forth a whole NEW list of to-dos :/, I get down on myself and truly feel as if I am just flailing about in life putting out fires…Not strolling through in a systematized manner…Flailing!

Upon arriving home tonight, I wearily sat down and opened the computer…

My oldest daughter, whom I love so much, had a beautiful message waiting for me…

We had been discussing a woman from Pastoral Symphony Farm. This dear lady impresses me! She has NINE beautiful and wonderful children, home schools, gardens, cans, makes her own syrup from their maple trees, sews all of their clothing, cooks from scratch, etc., etc., etc. Now, dear Mrs. G would be the first to humbly say that she isn’t that great…But, (whisper) she really is. :0)

So…I had been remarking to DD about Mrs. G and how I wished that we had done more self-sufficient living while the children were growing up. She wanted a link to
Mrs. G’s blog, which I gave to her, and this was her response…

thanks! i remember you talking about the "pastoral symphony farm" now.
i think it was just as cool that you always practiced being frugal and so taught that to us. not being so wasteful and dependent on use-and-toss items is an important part of being self-suffient too! plus--it's kind of hard to have a farm to live off of when you live in town lol but i liked that we had several gardens and helped you a few different times with canning and making applesauce. we actually really DID do some self-sufficient things!

I think that it is lovely how the Lord uses others hands and sometimes their words to show His love to us…That just made my night.

So…Onward I go…Hoping to move from putting out fires…From fire to smoke…

And then, on into the clear air or organization.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday, All!

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