Saturday, February 6, 2010

LOVING AND YEARNING



FEBRUARY is the month of love…



I am having such strong feelings of late directly related to love that this seemed an apropos time to post.

The feelings are of great love for my children and therefore GREAT sadness as the official end of my child nesting years arrives.

It is an ugly, terrible, and unfamiliar time of life…I am NOT at all enjoying it.

From the time I was a girl, I have always wanted to be a mother, and the Lord blessed me so. I asked for six or seven or eight children…He said that there would be three. So, I was blessed to raise two girls and one boy.



My son is now 20…unimaginable to me…and will be leaving for college in two months. So, though I was privileged to have him for an extra couple of years, it is now time for him to leave. Come April, this will be the FIRST time in 25 years and 8 months that I have been without my children in my nest. For those who cannot relate, please feel free to quietly dismiss yourself at this point. I don’t expect all to understand or to even read my seemingly melodramatic pinings, but these I must record, for they are so poignant, emotional, distressing and heartbreaking.



I don’t recall inviting this time of life into my door…it just entered…an unwelcome visitor…freely taking away the calling once given to me. I understand that, indeed, I will always be Mother. For this, I am so thankful. I too understand that life must move on. I am just so not ready for it to do so.

I love my children…my friends. My identity is that of mother and has been for over a quarter of a century now…That’s a long time! To have that suddenly taken away from me is just wrong! It is almost as if I have stepped into the next room…another world…and what on earth is that…the world of get-old-and-die? But, I don’t feel like it! I want my family around me…I want my little ones in their nest so that I may comfort them and hold them.



It is as if someone is ripping part of ME away...an avulsion...a fracture of the soul!

Then too, there are the yearnings…

The things that I wanted to do but didn’t...or couldn’t…

Would that I had been able to raise them up in a pure lifestyle of country living and home…Milking cows, sewing their own clothes, teaching them more of these ways…

Some skills were taught, yes, but fruition was not attained…And, one can never go back.



It is simply a very retrospective time of life where one turns quite introspective. Career woman was not my long-term goal…Mother was, and now that that work is through, I am lost and saddened. Indeed, and I feel quite alone in all of it…

And so, I turn to love…

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16




We should love…



We should love who we have…



And what we have…



Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:7




As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. John 15:9




Let us all gain strength through love, one to another...



Blessings to you all…

3 comments:

James said...

Oh dear lady I know what you are feeling, though it must be even harder for the mother. When you look back don't think of any short comings you may perceive. Look at the joyful triumphs that I'm sure out numbers all else.Smile at those when you sit and ponder your life. I think you are on the right path, realizing that your life is entering a new phase. And you're starting it with a positive goal. Trust me your little ones will still need their mommy now more than ever!Sorry to go on, acting like I know anything, I just know what you're going through!

Zebu said...

Oh James,

Thank you so much for your ever kind words. How wonderful it is to have these thoughtful condolences. Blessings to you dear sir.

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